One thing that we all have in common is we all have a father. Now what we think of our father can all be different. Some of you may be very close to your father and others may not. No matter what your experience has been with your father in a couple of days it will be the day to celebrate fathers.
As a kid I don’t remember what we specifically did on Father’s Day. Looking back at my younger years, until I was around 11 years old my dad had his own business. One thing I remember very well, he would come home from work on a Thursday night or late morning on a Friday and say, “Let’s go camping.” We would be so excited and immediately prepare for going. We never knew when it was going to happen but it was wonderful when it did.
As I got older there were circumstances that changed in our lives and that closeness I had with my Father when I was younger was not the same. Because of those circumstances and the breakdown in communication I did not always listen to my Father’s advice. Because of that I made some decisions that weren’t what they should haven been. And some of those decisions have affected and will affect me for the rest of my life.
One thing I have learned now that I am older, I wish I would have known in my younger years, was to listen to my Father even if I did not agree with him.
I think it should go without saying, but I want to emphasize here, that as I share here I am talking about a father that is safe. If you live in an abusive situation or have lived in an abusive situation you need to get away from it and don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position with him again. Although we need to have a forgiving spirit we do not need to live or be around someone who is abusive. Forgiving does not mean we don’t set boundaries.
If we have a Christian father or even if he is not Christian we need to honor and obey him as long as it is not contrary to God’s Word. If I had done this I would have saved myself so much grief. But as a young person we somehow think we know so much more than our parents and how can they possibly understand.
I want to speak to fathers. There are so many things that you do for your family that is mechanical. They are definitely things that need to be accomplished. Your family could not survive without the things that you do. But there are other things that should not be left out or you will lose your children. I want to share some steps with you that can help towards a better relationship with your children.
- Love them. This should really go without saying but I do understand that a lot of fathers do not even know how to love. They think that love is all about the mechanical things that they do, like providing food. The kind of love I am talking about is unconditional love just as Christ has loved you. In the next steps love will be more defined in actions you can take to show love.
- Keep an open communication. A lot of times the only communication is mechanical and disconnected with your children. How you communicate may differ between children for sure. Because boys tend to be more mechanical, just like their fathers, do something with them and while doing it ask them about their day, listen to their heart. With girls definitely take the time to listen. Sit with her or take a short walk with her. Find out what would be the best thing to do. Ask your wife she can probably help you in this area. Show your children that you have the time for them and allow them to share what is on their hearts without condemnation.
- Spending time. By having the time for them they know that they are important to you. Too many times fathers are too busy to spend time. And I am not talking about spending time in front of the television. It needs to be relational time. When watching something everyone zones out, that is not relational. Spend time doing something they would like to do.
- Speak kind words. A lot of times fathers tend to be harsh. Yelling, “I am the one in charge you better obey me.” Although fathers need to be an authority figure they can do it in love. How would Jesus treat the young person that you are addressing no matter what they have done? How has Jesus treated you when you have made mistakes, small or major? Natural consequences may come but love them through it.
- Encourage them. You might say that is the same as “speak kind words”. I want to make a distinction. I would say the majority of fathers notice and pounce on all the bad that their children do but hardly say a word or maybe don’t say anything about the good they do. You need to reverse this. You need to encourage them in the good things they are involved in as well as the good actions they may have. When they do something bad be matter of fact with the consequences, in love, and let it go. Don’t rant and rave about it. And when they do or say something good make a big deal, within reason. You will find that this can make an amazing difference.
- Speak words of blessing. I was introduced to the book “Power of a Spoken Blessing”. This is a good book for any relationship. But I found this to be such a blessing for the relationship with my children. I am definitely not perfect at it but I see the concept as such a blessing. Our words have the power to crush a person or to heal. It is really impossible to explain the whole concept here but I want to give one example. It all depends on age but here is a blessing that was given to a seven-year-old that was struggling with sulkiness and gloom that worsened over a period of months. All the attempts that were made to correct the problem failed until the parents learned about using words to bless. Here is what they said, “Lord bless Samuel with a radiant countenance, joy in his heart, and a beautiful smile that ministers into the life of others.” It made a difference in the life of their child. Fathers can be speaking such negative words toward their children that it discourages them. But changing that to positive words, speaking words of what you want them to become, will make an amazing change.
- Ask forgiveness. I cannot emphasize this enough. You are not going to be a perfect father. When you make a mistake, go to your child and confess your wrong and ask forgiveness. And please, please, please don’t make excuses, just accept responsibility. If you have gotten angry with your child don’t go and say, “I am really sorry I got angry at you, but if you had not done ______ I wouldn’t have. Can you forgive me?” You have lost your Childs heart right there. Instead say something like this. “Johnny, I got angry with you and that was wrong for me to do, can you please forgive me?” Then you can let them know you love them and walk away.
- Love their mother. There are a lot of children that are coming up in divided homes. But if you are still together with your wife loving her and showing that love is a security for the children no matter what the age. If you are no longer with your wife still show a loving spirit toward her and not a critical one. It makes children bitter to hear negative critical talk.
Dear Father,
Being a father, especially to children that show rebellion is so difficult. But You know and can understand because You deal with rebellion all the time and You still show us love. Thank You for being such a loving compassionate God. Help each father, on this special weekend for “Father’s Day”, feel Your presence and forgiveness. And help them in going forward into this next year to become more like You.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Even though I know what I have shared here is not exhaustive it will be a starting point. Commit today to be a father that is fully surrendered to God in every area of your life and see the transformation that can come to your family.
To those of us with fathers, listen to them and obey their counsel if it is not contrary to God’s Word. Show them honor and respect.
What ways have you found that have helped in molding your children’s characters to be like Christ that have been a blessing?
Do you have a story about your father and what a blessing he has been to you?