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“Father’s Day”

Fathers

For some, Father’s Day is a very joyous day but for others, it speaks only pain.  Some fathers have children that adore them.  They have been a father of love and support to their children.  There are other fathers that have brought only pain and sorry to their children.  For those children, this day is a sad day.  Fathers have a great responsibility and in this sinful world not all accept that responsibility.  This is a sad fact.

My Father

My Dad has always been special to me.  I always remember him being there for me in every situation.  My Dad was always the spiritual leader in our home, guiding and protecting us.  I still go to him today for guidance and so appreciate his insights.  Unfortunately, I did not always listen to his counsel and when I didn’t I always suffered.  Our parents are much wiser than us but we somehow think that they just don’t understand.

I am reminded of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  Satan tempted Eve into believing that God was just trying to withhold some good thing from them by not allowing them to eat from just that one tree.  And that is what the devil whispers into the ears of the young people. Your parents are just trying to withhold good things from you.  But the reality is, our parents love us and want the best for us.

I am grateful for a Dad, that may not be perfect, but that is growing in the love and grace of God and striving to serve Him.  And because he is I can have the confidence to seek counsel from him.

Show Honor

We need to show love and honor to our fathers.  Even if they have not been the fathers that they should have been we can still honor the position.  As it says in Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”  This command comes with a promise.

You may be saying, “My father is abusive.”  It is very difficult when a person has an abusive father.  What I would encourage you to do is think about his past life and why he may be what he is.  Was he abused also in his growing up years?  There is no excuse for abuse even if he was abused growing up as well but it can help you have a little more understanding.  If you are living in an abusive situation to seek help.  And the sad reality is, you will go on to do the same unless you have made a decided change in your thought patterns and allowing the Lord to have full control of your life.  These are generational sins that get passed down from one generation to another until someone makes a different decision.  I have seen it first hand.

Fathers

As fathers, you have a great responsibility.  You have a spiritual responsibility to your family to be a spiritual leader.  Notice I said leader, not a dictator.  The best way to lead is by example.  As it says in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  And again in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

As fathers, you have so much responsibility and you can only do it by keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus.  Draw closer to Jesus, as you do this, you will become more like Him and your life will reflect His character.  And then and only then can you be the spiritual leader God would have you to be.

Dear Father,

Draw each of us closer to You so that we can honor our fathers in the way You would have us honor them.  And continue to draw that hearts of the fathers to their children as they fix their eyes upon You.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Surrender all to Christ today and He will help you be who He wants you to be.

Love you all.

Do you have a story you could share about your father?  I would love to hear it.  Share in the comments below.

 

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“Fathers!”

One thing that we all have in common is we all have a father.  Now what we think of our father can all be different.  Some of you may be very close to your father and others may not.  No matter what your experience has been with your father in a couple of days it will be the day to celebrate fathers.

As a kid I don’t remember what we specifically did on Father’s Day.  Looking back at my younger years, until I was around 11 years old my dad had his own business.  One thing I remember very well, he would come home from work on a Thursday night or late morning on a Friday and say,  “Let’s go camping.”  We would be so excited and immediately prepare for going.  We never knew when it was going to happen but it was wonderful when it did.

As I got older there were circumstances that changed in our lives and that closeness I had with my Father when I was younger was not the same.  Because of those circumstances and the breakdown in communication I did not always listen to my Father’s advice.  Because of that I made some decisions that weren’t what they should haven been.  And some of those decisions have affected and will affect me for the rest of my life.

One thing I have learned now that I am older, I wish I would have known in my younger years, was to listen to my Father even if I did not agree with him.

I think it should go without saying, but I want to emphasize here, that as I share here I am talking about a father that is safe.  If you live in an abusive situation or have lived in an abusive situation you need to get away from it and don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position with him again.  Although we need to have a forgiving spirit we do not need to live or be around someone who is abusive.  Forgiving does not mean we don’t set boundaries.

If we have a Christian father or even if he is not Christian we need to honor and obey him as long as it is not contrary to God’s Word.  If I had done this I would have saved myself so much grief.  But as a young person we somehow think we know so much more than our parents and how can they possibly understand.

I want to speak to fathers.  There are so many things that you do for your family that is mechanical.  They are definitely things that need to be accomplished.  Your family could not survive without the things that you do.  But there are other things that should not be left out or you will lose your children.  I want to share some steps with you that can help towards a better relationship with your children.

  1. Love them. This should really go without saying but I do understand that a lot of fathers do not even know how to love.  They think that love is all about the mechanical things that they do, like providing food.  The kind of love I am talking about is unconditional love just as Christ has loved you.  In the next steps love will be more defined in actions you can take to show love.
  2. Keep an open communication. A lot of times the only communication is mechanical and disconnected with your children.  How you communicate may differ between children for sure.  Because boys tend to be more mechanical, just like their fathers, do something with them and while doing it ask them about their day, listen to their heart.  With girls definitely take the time to listen.  Sit with her or take a short walk with her.  Find out what would be the best thing to do.  Ask your wife she can probably help you in this area. Show your children that you have the time for them and allow them to share what is on their hearts without condemnation.
  3. Spending time. By having the time for them they know that they are important to you.  Too many times fathers are too busy to spend time.  And I am not talking about spending time in front of the television.  It needs to be relational time.  When watching something everyone zones out, that is not relational.  Spend time doing something they would like to do.
  4. Speak kind words. A lot of times fathers tend to be harsh.  Yelling, “I am the one in charge you better obey me.”  Although fathers need to be an authority figure they can do it in love.  How would Jesus treat the young person that you are addressing no matter what they have done?  How has Jesus treated you when you have made mistakes, small or major?  Natural consequences may come but love them through it.
  5. Encourage them. You might say that is the same as “speak kind words”.  I want to make a distinction.  I would say the majority of fathers notice and pounce on all the bad that their children do but hardly say a word or maybe don’t say anything about the good they do.  You need to reverse this.  You need to encourage them in the good things they are involved in as well as the good actions they may have.  When they do something bad be matter of fact with the consequences, in love, and let it go.  Don’t rant and rave about it.  And when they do or say something good make a big deal, within reason.  You will find that this can make an amazing difference.
  6. Speak words of blessing. I was introduced to the book “Power of a Spoken Blessing”.  This is a good book for any relationship.  But I found this to be such a blessing for the relationship with my children.  I am definitely not perfect at it but I see the concept as such a blessing.  Our words have the power to crush a person or to heal.  It is really impossible to explain the whole concept here but I want to give one example.  It all depends on age but here is a blessing that was given to a seven-year-old that was struggling with sulkiness and gloom that worsened over a period of months.  All the attempts that were made to correct the problem failed until the parents learned about using words to bless.  Here is what they said, “Lord bless Samuel with a radiant countenance, joy in his heart, and a beautiful smile that ministers into the life of others.”  It made a difference in the life of their child.  Fathers can be speaking such negative words toward their children that it discourages them.  But changing that to positive words, speaking words of what you want them to become, will make an amazing change.
  7. Ask forgiveness. I cannot emphasize this enough.  You are not going to be a perfect father.  When you make a mistake, go to your child and confess your wrong and ask forgiveness.  And please, please, please don’t make excuses, just accept responsibility.  If you have gotten angry with your child don’t go and say, “I am really sorry I got angry at you, but if you had not done ______ I wouldn’t have.  Can you forgive me?” You have lost your Childs heart right there.  Instead say something like this.  “Johnny, I got angry with you and that was wrong for me to do, can you please forgive me?”  Then you can let them know you love them and walk away.
  8. Love their mother. There are a lot of children that are coming up in divided homes.  But if you are still together with your wife loving her and showing that love is a security for the children no matter what the age.  If you are no longer with your wife still show a loving spirit toward her and not a critical one.  It makes children bitter to hear negative critical talk.

Dear Father,

Being a father, especially to children that show rebellion is so difficult.  But You know and can understand because You deal with rebellion all the time and You still show us love.  Thank You for being such a loving compassionate God.  Help each father, on this special weekend for “Father’s Day”, feel Your presence and forgiveness.  And help them in going forward into this next year to become more like You.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Even though I know what I have shared here is not exhaustive it will be a starting point.  Commit today to be a father that is fully surrendered to God in every area of your life and see the transformation that can come to your family.

To those of us with fathers, listen to them and obey their counsel if it is not contrary to God’s Word.  Show them honor and respect.

What ways have you found that have helped in molding your children’s characters to be like Christ that have been a blessing?

Do you have a story about your father and what a blessing he has been to you?