“Please, I Want to be With You Even if It Kills me!!”

Please!

Have you ever wanted to do whatever it took to be with someone?  You knew the hardships that it would take but it did not matter because you loved them.  The love was so deep that the difficulties seemed small in comparison.

Then there is the other side where you have put all the effort into being with that person that you love.  You finally were able to be with them and then they reject you.  It is hard for you to believe that this is happening but it is.  The agony that you feel is beyond words.  It seems to them that it just takes too much effort on their part to accept you so they leave you to suffer with no thought what you have done for them.

Our Dog

We have a wonderful golden retriever that we got in 2006.  He has been the joy of our family’s lives.  Rascal loves everyone he meets, on the most part.  He has recognized two bad people that have come to our home in the almost 13 years we have had him.  Rascal is a protector of his family and he has an unconditional love that is beyond words.

He has had many trials in his life.  He was backed over accidentally when he was sleeping in our driveway, which broke his back.  After much agonizing pain and surgery, he was put back together.  I wouldn’t say he was normal but he repaired well.  I remember how much pain he was in and how he couldn’t walk.  He slept on our living room floor.  I remember sleeping beside him and how he would nudge me to be comforted.

Then I remember the time that he had a tumor the size of a soccer ball in his tummy.  It turned out to be a big blood clot and not cancerous.  But he had to have surgery again.  And then he had cancer in a toe, which they removed.  Despite all these things he loves his family and wants to be with them.

Walking

One of the things that he has always loved to do is go walking and hiking with whoever will take him.  He gets so excited!  He recognizes the signs when someone is getting ready to go for a walk.  Even in the summertime when you are not grabbing a coat, he knows.  He knows when you’re putting your shoes on to go to work or to go walking.

Rascal has gone hiking up our mountain with us, taken mile hikes or even several mile hikes.  He doesn’t seem to care as long as he can go with us.  If we were going somewhere and the van door was open we would be sure to have an extra passenger. And getting him back out of the vehicle when he was not allowed to go was tough.  He just wanted to be with us no matter what.

But because of age and all the things he has been through walking has become more difficult.  He still gets excited like a puppy.  And he will still head out on a walk with you but often turns around and goes home after a short time.

But not today

But this day was different.  The whole family, excluding one, was home and headed out on a walk.  As we walked down the private road he was coming with us.  But when we started up the side of the mountain he stayed down on the road and just wondered farther down the road.

We were visiting and taking our dear time getting up the hill to a landing before going farther up the mountain.  Once we got to the landing we stood and talked and played a little with the snow.  As we started up the mountain again we saw Rascal laying in the snow on the other side of the landing.  We realized what he had done is gone to the end of the private road and headed up the neighbor’s driveway.  Once he got to the private drive that headed to the landing area he hiked up near to the area where we were.  The problem was is this driveway had not been plowed so there were several feet of snow.  He was only going down into the snow probably 6-12” but it still made for a hard hike.

He couldn’t walk

By the time we found him, he could no longer walk.  His back legs were done for and he could not even get up.  We thought if he rested for a little bit that maybe he could walk but he still could not.  So two of my sons each took turns carrying him down the mountain the way that we came up, while I ran back to the house to get a sled.

He has never liked to ride in the sled but when we brought the sled and sat it next to him he immediately started crawling into it.  He realized his need and realized we were trying to help him.  We brought him back to our house and dumped him on the living room floor because he couldn’t even bring himself to get out of the sled.  He lay there for several hours before he finally tried to get up.

Life will never be the same for him.  But what amazes me is his perseverance.  He loves his family so much that he wanted to be with them and he was willing to do whatever it took to be with us, no matter what the cost, even if it killed him.

It made me think

How much do I really want to be with God?  How much do I really love Him?  The reality is that if I really love Him I will want to be with Him all the time.  I will go where He wants me to go.  And whatever He asks me to do I will do it.  I will do everything no matter the cost.  No matter how rough the road and the trials that may come my way I will continue to go toward God not away from Him.  Just like our dog Rascal kept pulling himself up the hill I will continue to persevere in my walk with God.  I won’t give up when the way gets hard, no matter what pain may come.

But even though I will not give up and keep persevering I will not try to do it on my own.  I may feel at times that I am on my own but I trust His promise that He will never leave me or forsake me.  Rascal has had his share of BIG “trials” that he could not have made it through if we had not carried him and guided him.  When he was run over we had to carry him from the house to outside several times a day so he could go the bathroom.  It was hard for him because he wanted to do things on his own but we could not let him.  And even though he really couldn’t he would want to try but we had to stop him so he would not get more damage.

To me, that sounds so much like us.  We don’t want to give up we want to do things on our own even though it is going to cause us damage.  There is a difference between Rascal and us.  God does not force us to allow Him to carry us through as we forced Rascal.  So we go ahead and do things on our own and cause more damage to our lives.  And here is the crazy part.  A lot of times when things don’t turn out and we go through more pain we blame God.  We can learn a lot of lessons from God’s creation.

I want to come to the point that I want to follow God and stay close to Him even if it kills me.  And the reality is that is where we need to be. How many people have died because they stood true to God?  We need to come to the point that He is all that matters in life.  He is our all in all.  Does that mean life will be smooth and easy? No!  But He will carry us just like we carried Rascal.  And just like Rascal did not resist we need to allow the Lord to carry us and not resist.   The most wonderful thing is no matter what has happened in life when you come to God for help He does not reject you.  Nothing is ever too bad for God.  He loves you more than you or I can even imagine.

Dear Father,

I believe we have such a short time left on this earth and we need you more than ever.  Please bring us through whatever it takes to help us trust You and allow You to carry us through the tough times.  We need to have a heart for You and we need You to help us even to have that heart.  Take our stony hearts and give us a heart of flesh.  I want to thank and praise You for what You are going to accomplish in our lives.  Thank You for always being there and never rejecting us when we reach out to you.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Make the decision today to stay connected with God even if it kills you.

Love you all.

Have you had a time in your life where you knew God carried you through?  I would love to hear your story.  Share it below.

For those that were looking for the next in the series that I have been writing, it is still coming. After having the experience shared in this blog this last week it was on my heart to share so I have.  Stay tuned for the next in the series of “Maintaining Healthy Immune Function” not only physically but also spiritually.

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