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Siblings

How many of you have a brother or maybe even a sister?  Some of you may be an only child and don’t have the “privilege” of having a sibling.  Having a sibling has its ups and downs for sure.  I mean you have to learn to share and not always have things your way, LOL.

I have often envied those that were close to their brother or sister.  They have great times together and do things together.  Treasure those times because you never know when it will be your last.

Gadgets

In our early years we lived in Bend, OR.  We did not have all of the gadgets of today that can be so distracting.  So we had to use our imagination.  We had little cars to play with; they might have been hot wheels I don’t remember.  But we never had all the tracks and things of today, we had our imaginations.  I remember going out in the dirt and making the most incredible tracks in the dirt, along with tunnels.  We had great times playing in the dirt.

Now playing dolls was another story.  I loved my dolls but to try to get my brother to play house with me was challenging.  He did play house with me at times but I think we played with cars and trucks more often.

I remember one year at my birthday I went to work with my dad.  I thought that was so special.  While I was gone my mom and brother made a special meal for me.  We had homemade ice cream for dessert.  My brother was the one that ran the hand crank on the ice cream maker, no electric stuff, just work.  I don’t even remember what we ate; I just remember the ice cream.  How many of you have good memories of the old ice cream makers?

Christmas

There are a few good Christmas’s that stick out in my mind.  We never had a lot of gifts.  I think, for the most part, our parents gave us each a gift, at least those are the ones that have stuck in my memory.  If they gave us other gifts I just don’t remember.

I remember the year that my parents got me a doll and my brother Lincoln Logs.  We both loved what we got that year.  That was my favorite doll over the years.  We played with those Lincoln Logs quite often.  I still have the doll but I don’t know what happened to the Lincoln Logs.

I believe it was the very next Christmas that my bother was so excited about the gift he had for me.  He could hardly wait for me to open it.  When I did open it I was so excited.  It was a highchair for my doll.  I still have the highchair today.  I will cherish the memory.

Then there was the year that I saw the most amazing thing that I wanted to get my brother.  It was a red fireman’s hat.  Now in those days, it was a nice hard plastic, not like the junk today.  But I was really struggling because I wanted to get one for me too.  But reluctantly I got one just for my brother.  I mean after all that is a boys thing anyway, right?  When Christmas Eve came and we opened gifts my brother and I had a surprise.  We both gave each other red fireman’s hats.  So I discovered that my brother had the same struggle I did.  Of course, I am sure my parents helped coordinate the outcome but I never felt they did.  And as I look back I don’t remember ever feeling suspicious or anything.  It was a great Christmas.

Church

I remember in those days we had little booklets that we would get with pictures and memory verses for the quarter in the young children’s classes.  Every quarter they would have the young people classes come and do a program for the adults.  My brother would memorize all the verses and he would be the only one that could stand in front of the congregation and say them all from memory.

My brother and I also sang together for special music.  One time stands out very vividly in my mind.  He was 2 1/2 years older than me so when we would sing I just followed him.  We had a scripture song that we were going to sing that was a chapter long.  He really wanted to sing it because our dad really liked it.  He was so determined that he knew it well enough, but our mom and dad had concerns.  We never went up with any words with us, we did it all from memory.  We walked out from the back onto the platform and then we just stood there.  He couldn’t remember the words.  Then he promptly said, “I guess we’re done”.  The audience started laughing and then he walked off the platform leaving me standing there.  As it sunk in, what just happened, I followed him off.  My parents had to comfort him in the back as he cried.  He thought people were laughing at him.  Of course, they weren’t laughing at him it was just funny what he said.

My brother was very musically talented.  He had a great voice and could have played any musical instrument that he wanted to.  He even wrote some music for a school he attended one year.  It became the school song.  Here are the words:

Cypress Gardens School Song

Lance Davis                                                                                                    Monte Lambert

There is a place that’s dear to us amid the rolling hills,

The scenery is ever-changing, in Cypress Garden’s fields,

Where sunsets ever glowing will brighten up the sky,

Where in the early morning we know that God is near;

 

So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,

And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.

 

We learn and work together as we seek to know God’s will,

For if we will be happy, we must His will fulfill,

And when we know God’s leading, we’ll step out without fear,

For here at Cypress Garden, we know that God is near.

 

So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,

And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.

 

Our goal in life is service, so we must with others share,

The wonders of God’s blessings, He shows us everywhere,

We want to all be ready when Christ shall come again,

And we’ll go home together, to a land that’s free from sin.

 

So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,

And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.

Other memories

I don’t remember how old we were but we had to be fairly young.  Without our parent’s knowledge, we would do chin-ups on the shower curtain rod.  One day we got this bright idea about both doing the chin-ups at the same time.  Well, it did not work out so well.  The rod could not hold both our weight so we came crashing down.  I can’t remember if it was my brother or I that ended up with our foot in the toilet.  I don’t remember anything about the consequences either.

Even though my brother was 2-1/2 years older than me, it was not long before I was taller and had bigger feet than he did.  It use to really frustrate my brother.  He always told me, “When we grow up I am going to be taller and have bigger feet than you.”  But the day never came.

One memory in my early teen years that I remember quite vividly is the day I got my hand stuck in a mixer.  I was making homemade bread.  I was whipping the bread with an electric hand mixer.  When I shut the mixer off I reached down to clean the mixer blades off before it was completely done turning.  I ended up with my hand between the mixing tongs.  My mom tried to push the release button so that they would come out but the pressure was too much so they would not release.  My mom was a little freaked out.  She called my brother to help.  Of course, he just started laughing and reached over and pulled the tongs apart.  It just never occurred to my mom to do that.

My parents did so much for us, especially in those earlier years, when my dad was in business for himself and he had more freedom and my brother was around.  We did things special every weekend.  We were either camping, hiking, or spending time together with a good book.  The books were more in the winter.  We would put puzzles together as my mom read a story.  We had great times together.  I remember when my dad would come home early on a Friday, we never knew when this would happen, and he would say, “Let’s go camping.”  Wow!  My brother and I would go into action to get ready so fast your head would spin.  We loved camping.

One of the things my brother and I loved to do is make a dam in some creek with rocks and we often camped or hiked where there was running water.  What great times my parent gave us.

Not all pleasant

Not all was pleasant over the years.  There were always difficulties.  My brother was a pathological liar.  In those earlier days I did not fully understand or recognize what was happening, neither did my parents, but I can look back and see things more clearly.  It brought many a heartache to my parents and me along with bringing hurt to others as well, it seems unrepairable hurt.  My parents, at first didn’t recognize the issues but even when they did, what could they do.  We suffered physical and emotional pain from my brother, yet very few knew or even recognized it.  My brother made many people believe that my parents were evil people, which is so far from the truth.  We continued to love him and my parents did everything they could to show it to him but also they had to place boundaries, which my brother never liked.

There are many people who think that my brother suffered and lived in a horrible home.  The reality is my brother had fewer restrictions than I had.  But I can say I am very grateful for the home that I grew up in, it made me who I am today and I am very grateful to my parents.  My parents weren’t perfect but who is.  But I can say that my parents were the most loving parents.  They were very long-suffering to my brother.  No, he didn’t really accept it but they kept giving and loving.

Even though others believed his lies and had such negative thoughts of them they pressed forward, ignored their negative thoughts toward them and still loved him, even though they knew he was destroying their reputation.  I call that a Christ-like love.  Isn’t that what Christ did for us.  He still loves us even though the devil throws accusations.  The devil wanted Christ to think we were not worth the sacrifice but Christ didn’t listen.  He gave His life for us.

My brother never liked my choices in life.  He would always try to get me to do wrong.  When I would resist it would make him angry.  Who knows what he told others that I did, he wanted to make me look as bad as his choices.  But I had to learn that what I did before God was the most important and I couldn’t worry about what he or others thought.

The truth is supposed to set you free but it never set my parents or myself free because not many believed the truth.  It reminds me of the truth of God’s word.  It also is supposed to set us free from the bondage of sin but not many believe the truth and therefore they are still held in bondage.

A day to remember

The year was 1987.  It was one of those years of sorrow.  In September of ’86, my grandma died at the age of 56.  Then my grandpa died in April of ’87 and his brother, my great-uncle died in October of the same year (These were my mom’s family).  We were at the funeral that was 4 hours away from our home.  It was a Friday and our thought was that we would stay the weekend but my father felt pressed to get home.  So we drove home that night.

I vividly remember getting up on Saturday morning, walking out of my room, and seeing my parents.  I could tell that they had been up for a while.  Then they told me that my brother, who was in the military at the time, had shot himself and that he was given a zero chance to live.  My parents were working on getting tickets to go back to Tennessee from Washington State.  I was blown away.  It was hard for me to believe what I was hearing.  Now I knew why my dad felt pressed to get home.

When my parents arrived at the hospital there was a “friend” of my brothers there.  He was so angry with my parents that the hospital finally had to escort him out.  They had no warm reception from anyone that knew him except one couple.  They told my parents that as soon as they met them they knew that the stories he had told couldn’t be true.  One story that they said he had shared was that his sister was dead and it was his parent’s fault.  He would just share things to get people to feel sorry for him and give him sympathy.  It was so painful for my parents.

My parents prayed a prayer that day and said, “Lord, if there is no way for his salvation just let him go to sleep but if there is hope please allow him to live.”  The Lord answered that prayer in a way that even I at times have questioned.  But I always believed there was a reason.  They did a partial lobotomy and he was never the same.  He was still a pathological liar but it was harder for him to keep his stories straight.  He did become more dangerous because he didn’t have the decision capabilities he once did.  Our family doctor and friend at the time said, “Medically speaking there is no way for him to make a decision for the Lord.”  But this doctor was also a Christian and he also added, “Except a miracle of the Lord.”

He went on to have some children and hurt many more people.  I think he wanted to love but it seemed he was incapable of loving.  In later years he did say how sorry he was for the pain and hurt that he brought to my parents and I.  He did recognize that he had brought pain but didn’t seem to connect all the dots.  He didn’t recognize the fact that his continual lying kept bringing more pain.

His final days

There was more than one time my brother should have died but the Lord saved him.  He overdosed a few years ago and lay on the floor of his apartment for several days.  My dad was not able to get a hold of him so he finally drove around 10 hours to go check on him.  He couldn’t get in his apartment but when he did, my brother was a mess.  The Lord saved his life.  There is no way that he could have made it otherwise.  After that, my dad talked to him every day for quite a long time.

Then he got involved with a bad crowd and the short of it is that he lost his right arm.  They had to amputate it in order to save his life.  When he was found he was taken to the hospital as John Doe because they had no idea who he was.  When he finally came around he called my dad and he headed directly there to help.  Again the Lord spared his life.  And the question may come, “why?”  Here is the answer,  “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”  2 Peter 3:9.

I loved my brother and really wanted a close and better relationship with him but that was never to be.  He would call me 2 to 3 times a year just to talk and say that he loved me.  The last time that I spoke to him was in March on my birthday.  Any time he called he would usually do most of the talking, telling his stories and I would just listen.  But there was one thing different this time.  He brought up something he was reading in the Bible.  I don’t even remember what it was, even though I really wish I could.  But it did surprise me.

Then the day came.  It was the same day my father-in-law passed away.  We had finished all the things we needed to do at the funeral home when I got the call from my mom.  She told me, “Lance is dead, he killed himself.”  The news was shocking.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.  I just couldn’t believe this was all happening.  To realize that it is just my parents and me now is hard.  And even harder is to realize that when something happens to my parents I will be alone with no sibling to go through that sorrow with me.  Despite all his problems, I loved him and he will be missed.  All my dreams and desires to be really close to him are no longer possible but he is at rest with no more heartache and sorrow for which I am grateful.

I know that there are people who would say, “Well there is no hope for his salvation because he killed himself.”  My take is a little different and that is why I am grateful that God is the judge.  I didn’t know his heart.  God takes all things into account and I am going to trust Him with the decision.  At all appearances, even to me, it doesn’t seem possible but only God knows.  And He is a just and merciful judge.  There are those that heaven wouldn’t be a place where they could be happy and God knows who they are.

Dear Father,

I know You were there with my brother in his last hours.  You knew his heart and I leave him to You.  Thank You for Your love and Your mercy.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Stay in touch with those you love.  You never know when it could be your or their last day.  And if you have not given your heart to Jesus, do it today without delay.

Love you all.

Did you know Lance?  Do you have a memory to share?  Please share below I would love to hear some good memories.

 

Closeness!

How close are you to your father-in-law?  I imagine there are varying degrees of closeness to a father-in-law.  Some are very close, others not so close, while still others can’t stand to be around their father-in-law.  But however close you may feel or have felt toward your Father-in-law they are human beings that deserve to be treated with love, respect, and honor.

Meeting

When I first met my husband he had a real struggle with his father.  There were ways that my husband was treated growing up that caused him to struggle.  He did not want to have a whole lot of contact with him.  I encouraged my husband in forgiveness.  In time he did process through some things.  As he processed through things he started to remember the good times.  Sometimes we get so caught up in the bad that someone has done we miss out on the good.  One thing that he remembers was about when his father would give him a spanking.  Afterward, his dad would hold him in his arms for a few minutes and then go into the bathroom and wash his face with cold water.  So the first meeting I had was through the words and experiences of my husband.

Not many of my husband’s family were able to come to our wedding.  Most of his family was in Minnesota.  After we were married for a while, we went to visit.  My father-in-law seemed nice enough but I definitely noticed that he did not know how to love.  But for me, I could see through the reasons.  It is easier if we are not emotionally attached to someone to see passed what he or she seems to be.  I recognized that he had never learned to love.  How does a person learn to love if it has never been demonstrated to them?  He didn’t know how to hug you, say I love you, or show any compassion.

Moving

18 years ago Dad Rittenour went through a divorce and ended up moving from Minnesota to North Idaho where we live.  He came and lived with us for a time.  For a time he dealt with depression that took him in and out of the hospital.  I remember once, in the middle of the night, him coming into the house falling apart.  My husband, who at the time had not really learned to love either, did not have a clue what to do.  I am so grateful for my upbringing with loving parents, I was able to show my father-in-law love that he had never experienced growing up.  I held him in my arms and began to pray.  And within a short time, he was calmed and went back to bed.

Organized

There is one thing that my father-in-law was good at and that was being organized.  He helped out around my husband’s cabinet shop.  Every day he would go to the shop and tinker around organizing.  He would separate everything into containers.  At the time, baby wipes came in nice plastic containers.  He would take everyone that became empty and use them to help him organize.  He would use old peanut butter containers, coffee containers, or whatever he could find.  It was definitely a blessing for his son, my husband, Kent.  He never had to worry about his shop being kept clean.

His Organization skills never changed with his independence.  He finally got his own apartment.  And I can say not many men would keep their house like he did.  Even though his heart was weak he still would keep things organized.

Once he was unable to live on his own and moved to a care facility, Life Care, he still constantly was organizing his room.  He was never quite satisfied with the way things were.  I would go to visit him and where something once was it no longer was there but somewhere else.

Memories

I don’t remember how long he had been living with us when this happened but it was not long.  Our son, Aaron, was such a chatterbox.  One day while sitting at the table eating Dad quietly pulled a quarter out of his pocket and laid it on the table.  He let it sit there for a little bit. Then he pushed it toward Aaron and said, “If you are quiet the rest of this meal I will give you this quarter.”  Aaron stayed quiet and earned the quarter.  The chatterbox ability has led Aaron to many great things now that he is older.

Our son Aaron also loved Grandpa’s little red Ford Aspire car.  He told Grandpa one day that he wanted to buy it from him.  Grandpa told him if he filled a 5-gallon bucket with coins he could have it, of course, he never did it.  But years later when Grandpa wanted to sell his car, Aaron did end up buying it.  Then our oldest son, Jeffrey bought it from Aaron, and now our son Caleb has it.  It is still within the family.  It has gone over many mechanical changes but is still running.

Our son Caleb remembers riding in the little red car with Uncle Tim as Grandpa was going to Uncle Curt and Aunt Colleen’s home.  There was more than one way to get to their home and Grandpa had the way he liked to go.  He said to Caleb, “Your parents don’t like to come this way because of all the deer but I have deer whistles on my car.”  He really believed in the deer whistles and I would have to agree with him.  They really work.

Dad was a smoker.  He had smoked for many years and even had to physically retire in his fifties.  Our children didn’t want Grandpa to die and they knew that the cigarettes were killing him.  So one day they took a carton of cigarettes and hid them.  If I am remembering correctly they buried them.  Of course, when I found out I made them give them back.  Grandpa never knew.  I commended them for their desire to help Grandpa but this is Grandpa’s choice.  He did finally give up his smoking in November 2010.

I remember how Dad would love it when our daughter, Rebekah Lee, who was somewhere around one or two, would feed him.  She would go over and pick up the spoon that was in his tea or coffee cup and give it to him a spoonful at a time.

Our son Michael loved to make things for Grandpa.  He would pick out something that he thought Grandpa would like and make it on the scroll saw.  When he was 11 he made one that Grandpa just loved.  So many times, that I can’t count, he would say to me how much he liked it and couldn’t believe that Michael had made it.

Dad lived in his own place for a while but things started to change.  He couldn’t do all the things he once did and it became apparent that he shouldn’t be driving anymore.  He had been a truck driver for so many years that the thought of him not being able to drive seemed devastating.  Whenever he would talk about the past, trucking was brought up quite often.  Even though he did other jobs through his life trucking was by far his favorite job.

I remember the day that I went to take away his keys.  It was not easy to do.  I let him know how much I loved him and because of that love, I was taking away his keys.  He didn’t show any anger toward me but I knew that it was there.  The frustration for him must have been enormous.  He had been so independent all his life and to lose that was so hard.  I don’t believe he ever got his keys back from that point on.

There are so many memories that I could share that it is hard to pick and choose and to remember them.  I know it was not too long after he lost his driving ability that he ended up in the care facility.  He fell and broke ribs and ended up in Life Care Post Falls, Idaho.  And shortly after that he fell and broke his hip.  He declined at that point and never did end up living on his own again.

I remember helping Dad go through his things at his apartment.  It took time to go through things and help him pack up everything.  He had softened to the point that he really realized that he had not been the father he should have been.  He shared how he loved his boys and he hoped that they could love him but he understood if they couldn’t.  It made me realize that he probably lived with a lot of guilt.  A few tears were shed that day.

I wish I could remember the day that he first said I love you.  We all just showed him so much love that changes started to take place.  They were slow but we could definitely see it.  And then there was the day that he actually initiated I love you.  That was amazing!

I became the one to be involved in his health care.  Each doctors’ appointment he had I went with him and stayed closely connected with what was happening with his health.  I became a listening ear for him.  If he was having a bad day or was frustrated he would call.  I would listen, encourage and at times pray with him.  It was a growing experience in my life.  I learned to love no matter what he said or how he said it.  I learned to love him despite at times his anger for my stand.  He felt that unconditional love and care that I gave him.

It meant a lot to me that he called me his “guardian angel.”  I never thought of it that way but I did advocate for him many of times and his life was spared.  I know that there are many others in his family that would have done for him as I did if they would have been able to do so, but time and distance was a barrier.  I feel so privileged to have been able to take part in his care.

While he was at Life Care he loved to play Bingo, it was his favorite game.  When he played and would win he could pick from a box of things.  There were a lot of knickknacks and other things as well.  He would pick out what he thought I would like and when I would go to see him he would have bags of things for me to take home.

He let me know that his son, Kent needed to build me a curio cabinet for all the knickknacks he was giving me.  I know that he gave them out of love for all the things that I was doing for him.  I did not have room for all the things so I kept out some and then packed everything in boxes.  My husband, Kent, could have filled all my walls with curio cabinets and there still would not have been enough.  He also showered our daughter with stuffed animals until she was overwhelmed.  But then great-grandchildren came along and he shared the blessing with them, of which she was grateful.   I did not feel right getting rid of all the gifts because they were gifts from his heart.  I told Kent that I would keep them until he passed away.  Who would have known that he would have lived so long?  He amazed so many people.  Even the doctors and nurses would say, “He has more lives than a cat.”  So I have many, many, many boxes of gifts.

Another thing that he told me multiple times is, “Kent better hang on to you and treat you right, you’re a keeper.”

Dad became very faithful about reading his Bible.  (A side note.  He was very particular about what Bible he read; it had to be a KJV.  He felt the other Bibles had been tampered with and could not be trusted).  In all his years he had never read his Bible through.  There were certain books or verses that he would read but he had never read through the Bible.  So as he read through his Bible he would call me.  He would have questions about some things that he read or he would share excitedly about something that he had learned.  The excitement in his voice about what he was learning was priceless.

The best memory

One of my best memories took place a couple of months ago or so.  He wasn’t doing well so I was stepping up my visits.  I was leaving for work over an hour earlier so I could go see him before going to work at 8 am.  One morning when I was there he started to talk about God.  The tears started to flow as he shared.  “Every time I think of what Jesus has done for me, it amazes me.  He loves me so much.”  He said more but words cannot express it.  But the tears flowed freely.

Dad also became very bold in his faith.  He wanted to tell others about the love of Jesus.  He told me that he believed the Lord was keeping him alive so that he could tell others about Him.  He felt his place in Life Care was to be a witness.  He may not always have been tactful but he certainly was bold.  At the last when he wanted to see a couple of specialists, he asked one doctor,  “Are you a Christian?”  When the doctor replied yes he said, “Good!”  The doctor did not have good news for him.  He told him there was nothing he could do for him.  Dad responded, “I knew that would probably be the answer.  But because you are a Christian I will see you again in heaven, right?”  The doctor replied, “yes.’  And again Dad said, “Good!”

Prayer

He loved it when I would have prayer with him, especially when he was having a hard time.  He never asked me to pray for him but when I said I was going to pray he was so grateful.

He was very particular about how prayer was done.  He made it clear to me earlier on that it bothered him when people would say, “Dear Jesus.”  He told me that we are supposed to pray to the Father in Jesus Name.  So I would pray, “Dear Heavenly Father…In Jesus Name, Amen.”

There were a few times when I was done praying that he would pray.  When I was through praying he would often say, “Thank You, Jesus,” especially when he was having a tough time.

His last words to me

I visited him the last Thursday before he died.  It was suppertime so I asked him if he wanted me to take him down to supper.  With much difficulty, he responded yes.  Even though he could hardly speak he still had his routine.  I knew his routine by heart. So when he was trying to tell me what he needed but could not quite get the words out, I helped him.  He wanted his light tucked on one side of him, his box of tissues on the other, his black Sharpie in his shirt pocket, a straw and his pair of scissors.

When we got to the dining hall he couldn’t even do his usual routine.  He was usually so particular about how his table was set up but this time he had no energy for it.  I read the menu for him and asked him what he wanted.  He wanted mashed potatoes with gravy and Italian dressing, which wasn’t even on the menu.  When he ordered drinks he ordered two apricot nectar, a V-8 juice, and ice water with lots of ice.  He didn’t even order a cup of coffee, which is unusual.

When the food came I fed him his mashed potatoes, which he ate little of and he drank a little apricot nectar and some water.  At that point, he was ready to go back to his room.

His son, Kent, my husband, showed up at that point and he spent a little time with him while I talked with a CNA, Teresa.  She cared for him a lot and had tears in her eyes as we talked.

Before we left that night I had prayer with Dad.  My prayer was different this time.  I usually asked for healing but this time it just didn’t seem fitting.  I asked for Jesus’ arms to be around him and to give him courage.  I told him I loved him and that I was going to get some extra help in for him and he said, “Good.”  Hospice was coming in by Monday but he passed away before they came.

Goodbye, Dad.

He will be missed but I am grateful for the resurrection.  The next thing that he will see is Jesus coming in the clouds and what a glorious day that will be.  He will be full of health and vigor.  I, as well as all of his family, are looking forward to that day so that we can be reunited with him.

Dear Heavenly Father,

We long for the coming of Your Son, Jesus.  We know it is soon.  Help us all to be ready.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

If Dad were here today he would ask you, “Have you given your heart to Jesus?”  If you haven’t given your heart to Jesus do it today without delay.

Love you all.

Do you know Don?  If so share a memory below about him.  You may not have known him but if you have words of encouragement or wisdom feel free to share.