Siblings
How many of you have a brother or maybe even a sister? Some of you may be an only child and don’t have the “privilege” of having a sibling. Having a sibling has its ups and downs for sure. I mean you have to learn to share and not always have things your way, LOL.
I have often envied those that were close to their brother or sister. They have great times together and do things together. Treasure those times because you never know when it will be your last.
Gadgets
In our early years we lived in Bend, OR. We did not have all of the gadgets of today that can be so distracting. So we had to use our imagination. We had little cars to play with; they might have been hot wheels I don’t remember. But we never had all the tracks and things of today, we had our imaginations. I remember going out in the dirt and making the most incredible tracks in the dirt, along with tunnels. We had great times playing in the dirt.
Now playing dolls was another story. I loved my dolls but to try to get my brother to play house with me was challenging. He did play house with me at times but I think we played with cars and trucks more often.
I remember one year at my birthday I went to work with my dad. I thought that was so special. While I was gone my mom and brother made a special meal for me. We had homemade ice cream for dessert. My brother was the one that ran the hand crank on the ice cream maker, no electric stuff, just work. I don’t even remember what we ate; I just remember the ice cream. How many of you have good memories of the old ice cream makers?
Christmas
There are a few good Christmas’s that stick out in my mind. We never had a lot of gifts. I think, for the most part, our parents gave us each a gift, at least those are the ones that have stuck in my memory. If they gave us other gifts I just don’t remember.
I remember the year that my parents got me a doll and my brother Lincoln Logs. We both loved what we got that year. That was my favorite doll over the years. We played with those Lincoln Logs quite often. I still have the doll but I don’t know what happened to the Lincoln Logs.
I believe it was the very next Christmas that my bother was so excited about the gift he had for me. He could hardly wait for me to open it. When I did open it I was so excited. It was a highchair for my doll. I still have the highchair today. I will cherish the memory.
Then there was the year that I saw the most amazing thing that I wanted to get my brother. It was a red fireman’s hat. Now in those days, it was a nice hard plastic, not like the junk today. But I was really struggling because I wanted to get one for me too. But reluctantly I got one just for my brother. I mean after all that is a boys thing anyway, right? When Christmas Eve came and we opened gifts my brother and I had a surprise. We both gave each other red fireman’s hats. So I discovered that my brother had the same struggle I did. Of course, I am sure my parents helped coordinate the outcome but I never felt they did. And as I look back I don’t remember ever feeling suspicious or anything. It was a great Christmas.
Church
I remember in those days we had little booklets that we would get with pictures and memory verses for the quarter in the young children’s classes. Every quarter they would have the young people classes come and do a program for the adults. My brother would memorize all the verses and he would be the only one that could stand in front of the congregation and say them all from memory.
My brother and I also sang together for special music. One time stands out very vividly in my mind. He was 2 1/2 years older than me so when we would sing I just followed him. We had a scripture song that we were going to sing that was a chapter long. He really wanted to sing it because our dad really liked it. He was so determined that he knew it well enough, but our mom and dad had concerns. We never went up with any words with us, we did it all from memory. We walked out from the back onto the platform and then we just stood there. He couldn’t remember the words. Then he promptly said, “I guess we’re done”. The audience started laughing and then he walked off the platform leaving me standing there. As it sunk in, what just happened, I followed him off. My parents had to comfort him in the back as he cried. He thought people were laughing at him. Of course, they weren’t laughing at him it was just funny what he said.
My brother was very musically talented. He had a great voice and could have played any musical instrument that he wanted to. He even wrote some music for a school he attended one year. It became the school song. Here are the words:
Cypress Gardens School Song
Lance Davis Monte Lambert
There is a place that’s dear to us amid the rolling hills,
The scenery is ever-changing, in Cypress Garden’s fields,
Where sunsets ever glowing will brighten up the sky,
Where in the early morning we know that God is near;
So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,
And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.
We learn and work together as we seek to know God’s will,
For if we will be happy, we must His will fulfill,
And when we know God’s leading, we’ll step out without fear,
For here at Cypress Garden, we know that God is near.
So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,
And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.
Our goal in life is service, so we must with others share,
The wonders of God’s blessings, He shows us everywhere,
We want to all be ready when Christ shall come again,
And we’ll go home together, to a land that’s free from sin.
So teach us, Lord, as our lives go on to be reflectors of Your love,
And help us all as we prepare for the glorious home above.
Other memories
I don’t remember how old we were but we had to be fairly young. Without our parent’s knowledge, we would do chin-ups on the shower curtain rod. One day we got this bright idea about both doing the chin-ups at the same time. Well, it did not work out so well. The rod could not hold both our weight so we came crashing down. I can’t remember if it was my brother or I that ended up with our foot in the toilet. I don’t remember anything about the consequences either.
Even though my brother was 2-1/2 years older than me, it was not long before I was taller and had bigger feet than he did. It use to really frustrate my brother. He always told me, “When we grow up I am going to be taller and have bigger feet than you.” But the day never came.
One memory in my early teen years that I remember quite vividly is the day I got my hand stuck in a mixer. I was making homemade bread. I was whipping the bread with an electric hand mixer. When I shut the mixer off I reached down to clean the mixer blades off before it was completely done turning. I ended up with my hand between the mixing tongs. My mom tried to push the release button so that they would come out but the pressure was too much so they would not release. My mom was a little freaked out. She called my brother to help. Of course, he just started laughing and reached over and pulled the tongs apart. It just never occurred to my mom to do that.
My parents did so much for us, especially in those earlier years, when my dad was in business for himself and he had more freedom and my brother was around. We did things special every weekend. We were either camping, hiking, or spending time together with a good book. The books were more in the winter. We would put puzzles together as my mom read a story. We had great times together. I remember when my dad would come home early on a Friday, we never knew when this would happen, and he would say, “Let’s go camping.” Wow! My brother and I would go into action to get ready so fast your head would spin. We loved camping.
One of the things my brother and I loved to do is make a dam in some creek with rocks and we often camped or hiked where there was running water. What great times my parent gave us.
Not all pleasant
Not all was pleasant over the years. There were always difficulties. My brother was a pathological liar. In those earlier days I did not fully understand or recognize what was happening, neither did my parents, but I can look back and see things more clearly. It brought many a heartache to my parents and me along with bringing hurt to others as well, it seems unrepairable hurt. My parents, at first didn’t recognize the issues but even when they did, what could they do. We suffered physical and emotional pain from my brother, yet very few knew or even recognized it. My brother made many people believe that my parents were evil people, which is so far from the truth. We continued to love him and my parents did everything they could to show it to him but also they had to place boundaries, which my brother never liked.
There are many people who think that my brother suffered and lived in a horrible home. The reality is my brother had fewer restrictions than I had. But I can say I am very grateful for the home that I grew up in, it made me who I am today and I am very grateful to my parents. My parents weren’t perfect but who is. But I can say that my parents were the most loving parents. They were very long-suffering to my brother. No, he didn’t really accept it but they kept giving and loving.
Even though others believed his lies and had such negative thoughts of them they pressed forward, ignored their negative thoughts toward them and still loved him, even though they knew he was destroying their reputation. I call that a Christ-like love. Isn’t that what Christ did for us. He still loves us even though the devil throws accusations. The devil wanted Christ to think we were not worth the sacrifice but Christ didn’t listen. He gave His life for us.
My brother never liked my choices in life. He would always try to get me to do wrong. When I would resist it would make him angry. Who knows what he told others that I did, he wanted to make me look as bad as his choices. But I had to learn that what I did before God was the most important and I couldn’t worry about what he or others thought.
The truth is supposed to set you free but it never set my parents or myself free because not many believed the truth. It reminds me of the truth of God’s word. It also is supposed to set us free from the bondage of sin but not many believe the truth and therefore they are still held in bondage.
A day to remember
The year was 1987. It was one of those years of sorrow. In September of ’86, my grandma died at the age of 56. Then my grandpa died in April of ’87 and his brother, my great-uncle died in October of the same year (These were my mom’s family). We were at the funeral that was 4 hours away from our home. It was a Friday and our thought was that we would stay the weekend but my father felt pressed to get home. So we drove home that night.
I vividly remember getting up on Saturday morning, walking out of my room, and seeing my parents. I could tell that they had been up for a while. Then they told me that my brother, who was in the military at the time, had shot himself and that he was given a zero chance to live. My parents were working on getting tickets to go back to Tennessee from Washington State. I was blown away. It was hard for me to believe what I was hearing. Now I knew why my dad felt pressed to get home.
When my parents arrived at the hospital there was a “friend” of my brothers there. He was so angry with my parents that the hospital finally had to escort him out. They had no warm reception from anyone that knew him except one couple. They told my parents that as soon as they met them they knew that the stories he had told couldn’t be true. One story that they said he had shared was that his sister was dead and it was his parent’s fault. He would just share things to get people to feel sorry for him and give him sympathy. It was so painful for my parents.
My parents prayed a prayer that day and said, “Lord, if there is no way for his salvation just let him go to sleep but if there is hope please allow him to live.” The Lord answered that prayer in a way that even I at times have questioned. But I always believed there was a reason. They did a partial lobotomy and he was never the same. He was still a pathological liar but it was harder for him to keep his stories straight. He did become more dangerous because he didn’t have the decision capabilities he once did. Our family doctor and friend at the time said, “Medically speaking there is no way for him to make a decision for the Lord.” But this doctor was also a Christian and he also added, “Except a miracle of the Lord.”
He went on to have some children and hurt many more people. I think he wanted to love but it seemed he was incapable of loving. In later years he did say how sorry he was for the pain and hurt that he brought to my parents and I. He did recognize that he had brought pain but didn’t seem to connect all the dots. He didn’t recognize the fact that his continual lying kept bringing more pain.
His final days
There was more than one time my brother should have died but the Lord saved him. He overdosed a few years ago and lay on the floor of his apartment for several days. My dad was not able to get a hold of him so he finally drove around 10 hours to go check on him. He couldn’t get in his apartment but when he did, my brother was a mess. The Lord saved his life. There is no way that he could have made it otherwise. After that, my dad talked to him every day for quite a long time.
Then he got involved with a bad crowd and the short of it is that he lost his right arm. They had to amputate it in order to save his life. When he was found he was taken to the hospital as John Doe because they had no idea who he was. When he finally came around he called my dad and he headed directly there to help. Again the Lord spared his life. And the question may come, “why?” Here is the answer, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9.
I loved my brother and really wanted a close and better relationship with him but that was never to be. He would call me 2 to 3 times a year just to talk and say that he loved me. The last time that I spoke to him was in March on my birthday. Any time he called he would usually do most of the talking, telling his stories and I would just listen. But there was one thing different this time. He brought up something he was reading in the Bible. I don’t even remember what it was, even though I really wish I could. But it did surprise me.
Then the day came. It was the same day my father-in-law passed away. We had finished all the things we needed to do at the funeral home when I got the call from my mom. She told me, “Lance is dead, he killed himself.” The news was shocking. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I just couldn’t believe this was all happening. To realize that it is just my parents and me now is hard. And even harder is to realize that when something happens to my parents I will be alone with no sibling to go through that sorrow with me. Despite all his problems, I loved him and he will be missed. All my dreams and desires to be really close to him are no longer possible but he is at rest with no more heartache and sorrow for which I am grateful.
I know that there are people who would say, “Well there is no hope for his salvation because he killed himself.” My take is a little different and that is why I am grateful that God is the judge. I didn’t know his heart. God takes all things into account and I am going to trust Him with the decision. At all appearances, even to me, it doesn’t seem possible but only God knows. And He is a just and merciful judge. There are those that heaven wouldn’t be a place where they could be happy and God knows who they are.
Dear Father,
I know You were there with my brother in his last hours. You knew his heart and I leave him to You. Thank You for Your love and Your mercy.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Stay in touch with those you love. You never know when it could be your or their last day. And if you have not given your heart to Jesus, do it today without delay.
Love you all.
Did you know Lance? Do you have a memory to share? Please share below I would love to hear some good memories.